Just tonight Adaiah and I had a battle over a piece of chicken. She didn't want to eat her dinner (this unfortunately seems to be a daily occurrence as of late). So when she doesn't want to eat I always make her at least take one bite and if she doesn't want anymore she doesn't have to eat it. Tonight this battle went on for 40 whole minutes. After about 20 minutes she finally took the bite of chicken. Then for the next 20 minutes she held it in her mouth refusing to swallow it. She even asks for punishment instead of having to do what I ask her to do. She did finally swallow the bite of chicken but only after both of us are in tears. I put her to bed and then I just felt soooo emotionally drained. I really hate this part, I hate to punish her over and over but I know that I need to be consistent and I can't let her win.
I guess I am just needing some advice or some encouragement because I just feel like I am doing it all wrong! Don't you wish there was a mother's handbook out there that told us the right way to do everything!?
Sigh.... well here is a picture of Adaiah in time out... she's still so cute when she is standing there with her nose in the corner. And I just love her so much it makes my heart hurt.
Oh and I just thought I would share a highlight of the night :) Adaiah wanted to pray for dinner and this was how it went
"Thank you God for chicken, ketchup, rice" - pause - "mommy what's this?" (bread) "bread, fork, spoon, princess (because her fork and spoon have princesses on them) juice (then she looks at my plate) chicken, rice" - pause - "mommy what's that?" (bread) "bread, juice, mommy, daddy, adaiah, AMEN"
She melts my hearts :)
(Disclaimer: I don't know anything . . . :) We need advice from seasoned moms out there!)
ReplyDeleteI understand where you're coming from! It really is frustrating when you feel like you face the same problem day after day. We've had little "phases" with Ava now and then where we were surprised by some new and unwanted behaviors. In our experience, it seems like things generally resolve fairly quickly as long as we consistently enforce our rules for her. That doesn't mean she won't try it again a month or two down the road, though! So, I guess maybe you just have to stay the course with firm, but loving discipline! I know that kids of this age typically start trying out their will and testing limits -- some more than others!
I don't really know . . . but it also seemed really important for Ava to learn to apologize when she did something wrong. It almost seemed like it opened her eyes to the fact that her actions can hurt others or make them sad. Saying sorry kind of helped her take responsibility for her actions. Does that make sense? It was hard and took awhile to teach her to apologize, but it's worth it to hear her little repentant voice saying sorry when she has disobeyed.
Also, I haven't read it, but Sarah (Schwindt) and I were just talking about this, and she is in a study with some moms at her church where they are reading "Don't Make Me Count to Three" by Ginger Plowman. Sounded like a good read!
I know you are doing a good job Sarah! Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteBeing consistent can be so hard, but is so important. One thing that I found helped some (but I am REALLY bad at it) is noticing and praising the good things and the times when she makes the right decision. It is not only good for them, but is also made me feel like I wasn't always punishing. Have we talked about the "If...Then..." chart? and the "Blessings" chart? They were great tools for me during the stage you are in. I'll see if I can find something online and send you a link.
Love and hugs!! Can't wait to see you all!
Here is the If/Then Chart:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1891206001?ie=UTF8&tag=raisarro-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1891206001
The pictures are good for little ones (I colored ours) and the chart allows you to pick the discipline you are most comfortable with. What I found that was HUGE for me was that I and I spent time thinking about an appropriate discipline when we were calm and rational :) It also made the act of disciplining much calmer as I could take the child to the chart and show them what they did and what would happen. No irrational disciplines in the heat of the moment ("You are standing in that corner all day!!"...not that I ever said that, ahem)
But for me, this was even MORE important, and MUCH harder
And The Blessing Chart:
http://www.amazon.com/Blessing-Chart-Pam-Foster/dp/189120601X/ref=pd_sim_b_1
I usually had stickers of some kind and if they got a certain number then they would pick a little prize out of a box, or whatever was a nice reward at the time. I kind of wish I still had my blessing chart, to remind me to notice the good, more than I notice the bad.
I don't have everything figured out (ask my kids, wait, don't!) but I'll be praying for you as you continue on the journey! Pray for me too! We are in the teen/pre-teen stages!
awwww so sweet! Sarah, you & Seth are doing a great job! It is very hard & time consuming, but consistency pays off. And keeping your cool (which I didn't always do - too often in fact). But then you apologize & give hugs, & they love you in spite of your failures. Keep on keeping on! I love you! Mom
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